Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Why, oh why.

Oh God, things used to be so much easier.
Now all I see are faces I used to recognize
and names I used to know.
The grass isn't much greener on this side.
Please take me back. 

Sunday, May 25, 2014


Twelve years ago:
You would walk in the front door
to see your little kids running towards you with smiles on their faces. 
Momma always said this was your favorite part about coming home. 
You'd pick me up and swing me around
and I'd say, "Daddy, I'm so glad you're home", 
as I give you a big kiss on the cheek,
and you'd give me a kiss on the forehead,
all with radiant smiles on our faces. 

You walked in the front door
to see your children walking towards you.
Momma says I should go say hello, and welcome you home. 
I'd give a quick hug, 
utter the words momma told me to,
and try to walk away with a smile. 
You hardly even noticed the effort I made.

Oh, Daddy. 
Watching those old home movies tonight
made me wish we were still close.
Close enough for me to say,
"Daddy, I'm so glad you're home", 
and for you to give your little girl a kiss on the forehead. 

Come back to me. 

Sunday, May 18, 2014

If you really knew me

If you really knew me, you'd know that I actually enjoy writing, I just think I suck at it.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I love taking baths when i'm stressed,
it calms me down.
If you really knew me, you'd know that my cats are one of the most important things in my life,
I would take a bullet for them.
If you really knew me, you would know that I am a good friend if you get to know me.
If you really knew me, you'd know that i'm going to miss the people in my Creative Writing class
because they accepted me for me.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I like to smile and laugh.
If you really knew me, you wouldn't have to read this post.
Bye bye.

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Remembering What Once Was

I remember when we got a flat tire on the first date
and how your dad had to pick us up in his Police car.
I remember when you spent my 17th Birthday with me
and I paid for the movie tickets.
I remember you vividly.

I remember my old home in the desert state,
the one with no scenery, with the exception of some cacti.
I remember walking home in the heat and I remember enjoying it.
I remember the 15 watermelon slices that gave me a tummy ache
and I remember how I still love watermelon.
I had it yesterday.
I remember the pool, the three best friends, the sun.
I can't forget the red ribbon they tied around the lamp post in front of my home when I moved away. 
They told me they visited every day and tied the knot on the red ribbon tighter than they had the day before.
I remember Mesa, Arizona.
My childhood.

I remember when people played with Barbies for fun.
Not just because everybody else did.
I remember when kids at recess yelled "four-eyes" to the kids who wore glasses.
I remember recess and my Kindergarten teacher with the same last name as me. 
She always said I was special and she made me smile.
I remember braces and how they hurt my teeth. 
At least now I have a good smile,
as long as I keep my retainer in at night. 
Daddy makes me wear it every night, but sometimes I take it out
after he says "goodnight".

I remember making chocolate chip cookies, 
the smell of burning cookie dough filling the house. 
They don't know I know, but my family never actually ate them.

I remember Neon Trees "Everybody Talks" blasting int he car 
because it was our theme song for the summer.
It was the summer where we all stuck together and we sang our hearts out like it was nobody's business.

I remember Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup and Saltine crackers being forced down my throat when I was "sick".
I just really didn't feel like going to school.
I remember how music helped when my heart hurt.
I remember the songs you wrote for the girl you loved 
and how I sang along at every concert.
I remember how you used to be my best buddy.
And how we haven't seen each other for a long time now.
I hope I can see you soon.

I remember when nobody at my high school had died.
Those were better times.
Even if it only lasted up until December of my Sophomore year.
I remember the boys who never said "hello" to me because
I was quiet and different.
Oh, how it hurt me inside.
I always told momma I was fine.
But she would never believe me.
I remember how she cried when she almost lost her baby girl
for the third time.
And I remember how happy she was when she knew it'd be the last time she would have to cry.
I remember.   


Won't you follow me into the jungle?
Won't you follow me up the steep hill of life?
Down to hell,
up to heaven,
only to go back to hell in the end.
Just for fun.

Won't you follow me up the canyon
to gaze up at the stars we've named after the people we love?
Of the people who have let us down.
They probably named a couple after us.

Won't you follow me into the jungle?
Follow me to the end of the yellow brick road
where we can find our way back home.

Follow me to the Windy City
so we can find a home to go back to.

Won't you follow me into the jungle?
Let me come to you so I can show you where my heart lies.
Let me follow you forever
so that I will never be lost.
Won't you let me follow you into the Jungle?